I'm proud to say that this is the greatest toast art I have ever made.
On the rubric for this post I have to state an obstacle I encountered on my path to creating this magical work of art. Ha. HA. HAAHA. AN obstacle? I wish the gods of artistic toast were so merciful as to give me only ONE problem. I wish they were merciful enough to give me only two, or three problems. But alas, whatever enigmatic powers it is that controls the unpredictable and chaotic result of toasting toast are either incredibly wroth or have no taste in art or toast. A list of a but fraction of my woes can bring tears to children, but I shall recite this list regardless. 1. Pain: During this project, I felt like a toddler that was always wondering what the blue fire inside of the stove felt like, except this time my parents weren't here to slap my hand away. I lost count of how many times my hands were scorched by metal rulers hot enough to create steam on contact with water. Every time it happened, I thought "Well, that was both painful and stupid, and I don't think that I shall continue this habit and hence further maim myself." I will then reach for my ruler, hold it to the heavens and assert my dominance over the petty tool, and then once again burn myself because even after all of this self-actualization it has still not cooled off. I also once held the heat gun to my face to see what it would feel like, but we don't talk about that. 2. Toast: This project consumed enough toast that I now feel guilty for the large portion of the human population that has no access to food. Even realizing that me using this bread does not actually deplete the amount of food currently circulating around the globe nearly enough to cancel out the surplus that would exist even if world hunger was nonexistent, I still feel bad. 3. Process: Here is where most of my problems lie. The process I used to burn a picture into this toast was so impressively inefficient that it makes Internet Explorer look effective. In my last post about this project, I went through all the details and woes of this process. All of the problems I mentioned in that post still existed with the overall project. In the future, when I will inevitably make another toast picture, I will use the much cleaner method of using water to mark the parts I want to not be toasted, and then just putting the toast in a toaster. At the end of the day, I like to think of this as but mere practice in my bright future of toast art. I plan to come back to this medium and conquer it like Napoleon conquered Russia central Europe.
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The prompt for this drawing was the word "smooth". Naturally, I thought of the solar system's largest gas giant, Jupiter. And even though it rains diamonds there, it at least looks smooth. Like a marble that is five hundred thousand kilometers around and floating in space and isn't actually a marble. |
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January 2015
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